That Damned History Test!

A Text Adventure

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You failed a History test. If your parents find out, they might get mad at you. What do you do?

Show your parents your test.

Your parents get mad at you and send you to your room for time out. Now what?

Stay in time out.

Soon, time out is over. Your parents apologize for their emotional lapse, but there's a catch.

"You need a History tutor," your dad says.

You respond:

"Good idea!"

And so, your dad gets a tutor, who shows up the next day. The tutor is friendly, but you seem to have a hard time understanding what he says. Still, you persevere and end up with a B+ on the next History test.

"I don't think it's necessary."

"Really?" your dad replies. "Tutors help a lot, you know."

"I think I can handle things myself."

Your dad thinks about your reasoning.

"You know, you're right," he confesses. "I overreacted about a single test."

"Just don't give up and do your best," your mom adds. "Then you will become a History superstar student."

To make a long story short, you follow your mom's advice, netting yourself an A on the next History test. Congrats, superstar!

"How about get a video game with the money you would have spent?"

"You know, that's a pretty good point." your dad winks. "Why waste hard earned money on boring academic stuff when we can have TONS of fun instead?"

And so, before your mom can protest, your dad bolts straight to the store and heads back with an assortment of video games randomly selected from the shelves. You and your dad, who seems to have completely forgotten about the History test, proceed to have an absolute blast binging through all these games. Your dopamine levels may have soared, but your History grade, not so much.

Escape time out through a window.

You successfully escape without your parents knowing! Now that you're out, what do you do?

Run away.

You don't know where you're going, but you keep on running, and running.

Several minutes later, you catch your breath next to the grocery store. As you walk around...wait, is that your mom inside the store?

Get the hell outta here.

Immediately, you make another run for it. Unfortunately, that's when you trip over the nearby Girl Scout cookie stand! Not only did you frighten yourself and a group of girls, your mom catches you red-handed, and you now owe $100 in broken cookie boxes.

Confront your mom.

Whelp, here goes nothing. You head into the grocery store, making your way towards your mom. She focuses so much on her shopping list for a moment, you find yourself standing directly behind her without her noticing.

Finally, your mom looks behind.

At first, she stares at you, eyes popped, jaw fully dropped. Then came the words.

"Color me impressed."

Wait, what?

"If only I KNEW you could sprint FIVE MILES that quickly! That, in my eyes, is something remarkable."

Your mom drives you home, more cheery than usual. The next thing you know, you're signed up for your school's Cross Country team.

Go to your friend's house.

Your friend appears to be excited when you stop by his house.

"Come on in!" he says. "Let's play some violent video games!"

"Sure thing, man!"

"Booyah!" your friend cheers, powering on his game system.

You and your friend have a fun time playing multiplayer mode on a first-person shooter video game. But then...

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" yells your friend's mom, frantically running to the video game room. "You know the family rules: NO inviting friends WITHOUT my permission! Your friend must GO!!"

"Sorry," your friend says to you.

Leave your friend's house.

"I apologize," you respond, as you walk your way out of your friend's house.

That's when you notice your dad's car directly in front of you. Your friend's mom must have called your parents.

Following "the talk," you're only allowed to play Early Childhood rated games for the next two weeks.

Try to convince your friend's mom for you to stay.

Your friend's mom glares at you.

"Hmmph, this had better be good!" she glowers.

"I really want to socialize with my friend."

"Well if you want to socialize," your friend's mom remarks, "you can do it outside!!"

You and your friend agree, leave the house and chat around the block.

Carried away by the conversation, you and your friend unwittingly pass by your parents' house. Unfortunately, your dad's lounging by the front porch...

"Alright, what were you talking about?" your dad angrily prods as he drags you back in. Then he suddenly grins. "Wait, actually: what AM I talking about?"

For the next two weeks, your dad will only speak to you in Morse code.

"We're studying for a History test."

Your friend's mom points towards the TV. "Ok, then explain THIS!!" she sneers.

"Well, you see, Mom," your friend jumps in, "this game's all about World War II. We're learning about all the artillery and strategies the troops dealt with back then!"

Your friend's mom glances back and forth at the TV and you and your friend's grimaces.

"Alright, I'll let this one slide," she sighs. "But just this once!"

You and your friend resume playing for hours on end. Soon enough, both of you get tired, and you need to return home.

"I'm taking you back!" your friend's mom states firmly. "You ain't walking in the dark!"

That's when you remember: you're supposed to still be in time out! How would you explain suddenly appearing at the front door with your friend's mom?

Plead the fifth.

Your friend's mom rings the doorbell. Your sleepy dad answers the door.

Not a single word is said as you head back to bed. For the next several days, you don't hear anything from your parents regarding the History test or the time out.

Don't ask, don't tell.

Admit to everything.

Your friend's mom rings the doorbell. Your sleepy dad answers the door.

"I'm really sorry, dad!" you apologize. "I escaped your time out and went to my friend's house to play video games!"

Your dad's befuddled at first, until suddenly, he awakens.

"That's right, you ARE supposed to be in time out," he says. "And I'M supposed to give you a punishment!"

Your punishment is to buy your dad his cup of coffee every day for the next two weeks.

"I promise I'll cook dinner for your family tonight."

"Deal!" your friend's mom beams. She leaves the room, gleefully humming.

"Dude, what the hell?" your friend exclaims. "Alright, I can't leave this to you alone!"

For the next hour, you and your friend prepare a fried rice dinner. As you head to the dining table, you're shocked to find unexpected guests: your parents.

"I just HAD to invite them so they can be proud of you!" your friend's mom comments.

After the awkward dinner, your parents take you home with a strange grin on their faces. When you wake up the next day, you notice a thank you card from your parents right by your slightly-ajar window.

"Nah, not in the mood today."

"Fair enough," your friend responds. "Then do you just want to chat or something?"

"Sure. That's why I came."

"Ok then," your friend says. "But we gotta whisper and hide. My mom has a rule that I cannot invite friends without her permission."

And so, you and your friend hide in your friend's room, whispering a great conversation. Unfortunately, you hear footsteps.

"Uh oh, that could be my mom. I'm busted!" your friend whispers to you.

Hide underneath your friend's bed.

It wasn't easy, but you manage to cover the entirety of your body underneath your friend's bed.

Your friend's mom opens the door.

"What were all the noises in your room?" your friend's mom interrogates your friend.

Before your friend can respond, you sneeze from the dust underneath the bed.

Your friend gets grounded, and you're driven back to your parents. And to make matters worse, you inadvertently sneeze on your parents due to all that dust.

Your punishment is that you have to wear an N95 mask at all times indoors for the next two weeks.

Attempt to escape the room with your friend's window.

Astute from your last window escape, you beeline for your friend's window.

"No, no, no, stop!" your friend squirms. "Don't you remember we're on the second floor?"

But your mind's set towards the mission, and you dive from the window you prodded open...

• ~~~~ •

Well, at least your History teacher signed your cast.

Brace for impact.

The footsteps grow louder, then fade away.

"Phew, that was a close one. Thank goodness you stayed put!" your friend sighs in relief.

The conversation continues, undisturbed. It finally ends, but now you have to get back home in your room at time out before your parents find out. What is your strategy?

Run home and wedge yourself through your room window.

In the blink of an eye, you reach your parents' house. Good. Now you gotta get through that slightly-ajar window.

On the middle of your climb in, your mom catches you red-handed as she's outside gardening...

Your punishment is to plant a bunch of thorny roses right beside your window.

Enter from the front when the coast looks clear.

You hide in a bush nearby your parents' house for a few hours.

Soon, you notice the car pulling out of the garage. The coast looks clear, you believe.

So you head inside the house using the key underneath the doormat. Indeed, no one is home! You quickly head to your room and lock yourself in, resuming your time out session.

Fifteen minutes later, your parents arrive back home. Your dad opens your room, seeing you in time out.

"YOU were here all this time?!" gasps your dad. "Oh my goodness! Sorry for leaving you home!"

To make up, your parents give you $50 to spend on whatever you like.

"Nah, let's just stare at each other."

"Ok, you're acting weird," your friend says in worry. "What's really going on?"

"Fine. The truth is..."

"So you failed the History test, got sent to time out, AND escaped time out just to see me?" your friend responds.

Your friend is speechless for a moment.

"First off, damn, dude! Second off, I failed the History test too."

Your friend pulls out the History test from his backpack, revealing that he too received a big fat circled F.

To make a long story short, you and your friend agree to be study partners for the next History test, to the joyous approval of both your parents and your friend's parents. It helped to have someone hold you accountable, though it was also easy to get sidetracked with your friend. Both of you end up with a B on the next History test.

"No, I mean it. Let's stare!"

"Yeah no," your friend says. "Come back when your head's thinking straight!"

Your friend shuts the door, and you're on your own. You stare out in the distance, until soon enough, you notice your dad stare at you.

Your punishment is to stare at a white wall, aggravating your eye floaters.

Rip the test into shreds.

Once you shred your test, your parents come up to you and ask, "How did you do on your History test?" You respond:

"Bad. I failed it."

"Aww, that's too bad," says your mom. "If I see your errors from the test, maybe I can help you improve your grades."

But your test is shredded! You...

Tell your mom that you shredded your test.

"Really?" your mom frowns.

"Don't worry, I used to do that when I was little," your dad chimes in. "You're not alone."

"Tomorrow, can you get a copy of the test? I may still be able to help you," your mom suggests.

"Ok then."

When you agree, things go back to normal around your house.

The next day at History class, you ask your teacher for an extra copy of the test.

"Sorry, but I'm out of copies," your teacher replies.


After school, inform your mom your teacher has no copies of the test.

After school, you tell your mom exactly what happened.

"Aww man!" she groans.

But then suddenly a lightbulb appears on top of you mom's head.

"I've got a better idea," she beams.

Your mom leaves the house in a sharp second. When she returns, she's loaded with historical documentary DVD's.

You watch the movies on your laptop. Turns out they're engaging, thanks to the overdramatization of the actors.

You get an A- on the next History test.


Teacher: >_>


Teacher: Um, can you please leave?


Teacher: Go to the office. I had enough of you!

You: ME REFU...

Teacher: GET OUT!!!

"Mom, you don't need to worry about this."

"But I care," your mom responds. "I want your History grade to go up!"

"I can handle things on my own, Mom."

Your mom's taken aback from your words, then regains composure.

"You're right, and I'm sorry for stepping in your boundaries too much," your mom apologizes. "Promise me though that you will seek help."

Your parents leave, and you're on your own.

Seek help.

The next day, you reach out to your History teacher for help.

"Hmmm, you know what," the teacher responds, "Let me make an extra credit opportunity on the spot to help you out!"

Although you don't perform much better on the next History test, that extra credit opportunity would save your grade.

Don't seek help.

Because you don't seek help, you fail the next History test.

Which means your GPA drops. Which means you don't get into college. Which means you lose your will to try. Which means you fall into chronic unemployment. Which means the person you would've had the best long-term relationship with swipes left on you.

All because you didn't seek help on your History test.

"Goddammit, Mom! Stop ****ing up my life!"

...soap bar.

Tell your mom that the History teacher lost your test.

"Impossible!" your mom shouts. "I know your History teacher would not lose your test! I shall call the teacher!"

You gulp as your mom yanks the telephone and dials some numbers. A conversation ensues. Then your mom hangs up with an frowny look.

"Your History teacher said that she made sure to give everyone their test back!" your mom roars. "Did you lie?"

Tell your mom it was actually you who lost the test.

"No, I don't buy that," your mom dismisses.

"Your mom's right," your dad replies. "You definitely deserve a thorough punishment!"

Your punishment, for the next two weeks, is that you have to cook your own food.

Confess that you lied and prepare for punishment.

"Thank you for confessing," your mom says.

"Now here's your punishment," your dad dictates.

Your punishment is to write "I will not lie like I just did a few minutes ago" one hundred and twenty-six times on the whiteboard.

"Great. I got an A on it."

"Nice job!" your dad responds.

"Let's see your test because I wanna see that A on top," your mom says.

Uh oh. You respond:

"Well, I shredded my test."

"Shredded your test? Why would you shred your test if you got an A on it?" your dad asks.

"Actually, I failed the test."

Your dad's smile instantly flips vertically.

"So you FOOLED us??" your dad roars. "Failing a test is one thing, but this I WON'T tolerate! Prepare for the BIGGEST, BADDEST punishment I've ever given ya!!"

"Bring your worst, Dad!"

Your dad ponders over the biggest, baddest punishment.

"Nah, that ain't bad enough. Nah, that'd legit get CPS on my case. Ah, screw it! I'll think of something later!"

Luckily for you, your dad forgets to think of something later.


You burst into tears.

"Ah shoot, I pushed our child to the brink," your dad stammers. "I've done a bad, bad thing!"

"Don't worry," your mom chimes. "We can make up for this."

You are then taken to the ice cream store, where you are allowed to get as much ice cream as you want.

"Because I'm a weird person."

"That's awkward," your dad replies.

"Who knew our child's such a weirdo?" your mom says back.

"Perhaps it's some sort of disorder?" your dad hyperventilates. "We need to bring a doctor, STAT!"

A doctor?! Shoot. If you don't do anything right now, things can turn to the worse.

Agree to see the doctor.

After a long drive, you and your parents arrive at the hospital. You wait and wait until finally, the doctor calls you in.

"So what's wrong?" asks the doctor.

"Our child got an A on a History test, then intentionally shredded it!" your dad replies.

"We think our kid has some serious disorder," your mom responds.

"I suppose we can run some mental acuity tests to diagnose your child," suggests the doctor.

You are then taken to a special room where the doctor hands you a questionnaire as part of the mental acuity test.

Answer the questionnaire truthfully.

The doctor concludes that you do not have a mental disorder.

"Rather, your child lied about getting an A on that History test," the doctor communicates to your parents.

Your parents gasp, angry and embarrassed that they wasted so much time only to find out you lied.

Your punishment, to make up for that time, is to file their tax returns.

Intentionally mess with the questionnaire.

The doctor concludes that you do indeed have a mental disorder.

"I'm afraid your child's mental state is too unstable to function in our normal society," the doctor communicates to your parents. "I have no choice but to check your child into the psych ward."

Your parents protest as the medical assistants drag you away, but neither you nor your parents have a say in the matter. Even your dad, known for his thick skin, sheds a tear.

As for you, your life's about to completely change.

Quickly confess that you failed the test.

Your parents sigh in relief, then seethe in anger.

"Look, I'm ecstatic we don't need to go to the doctor, but goddammit you rose my blood pressure majorly!" your dad shouts. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!"

Your punishment is that for the next two weeks, your parents will wear the Squid Game costume in the house.

Run away.

Immediately, you burst out the door and start running.

You don't know where you're going, but you keep on running, and running.

Several minutes later, you find yourself inside a dense forest. You're lost!

Keep running.

You eventually emerge from the dense forest, finding yourself next to a giant geyser at a national park.

The good news: park rangers spot you before you hurt yourself. The bad news: you're sentenced to seven days in jail for running in a restricted area.

Yell for help.

Your plea for help worked! Someone in a private helicopter spots you and flies you back to home and your parents safely.

Your mom's relieved to see you again, but your dad's not having it.

"Not only did you worry us sick, you made me jealous!" your dad hisses. "I wish I got to experience a private jet!!"

Your punishment is to buy Microsoft Flight Simulator for your dad.

Make camp.

Whelp, you made it this far to dodge the wrath of your parents. Might as well make the most of it, you suppose.

You find an open area, build a safe campfire, and go to sleep.

• ~~~~ •

When you wake up, you find yourself back at home on your bed.

"Thank you so much for finding our lost child," you overhear your mom say to someone. "As promised, here's your $1,000 reward."

You quickly notice that to fund the $1,000, your parents sold all your video games.

Randomly eat the nearest object in front of you.

You start chewing on a box of tissues.

"Ok, that confirms it," your mom says, "our child IS a grade-A weirdo, no pun intended!"

"I DON'T WANNA BE IN THIS CHOICE ARC ANYMORE!!!" your dad screams, blurting four-letter words as he scrams out the house.

Your mom follows suit, and you're home alone. Later that night, a pair of burglars show up...

"You don't need to see the A if you already know I got it, Mom."

"Well," your mom clarifies, "I may think you got an A on the test, but I didn't actually see that A. Thinking and seeing are different senses, you know. Now show me that test."

Looks like you got owned.

"Fine, I confess. I failed the test and ripped it into shreds."

Your parents suddenly become confused.

"Our kid was trying to lie? That can't be true," your dad says.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're being played," your mom responds. "Our child DEFINITELY got an A on the test and just wants to wait for that right moment to show us."

Hmm...should you play along?

"I'm not lying! I really failed the test!"

"Nope, don't wanna hear it!" your dad shouts. "Even if you did fail it, I'd rather stay ignorant and believe otherwise!"

"Yeah!" your mom affirms.

And so you have no choice but to let your parents stay in disbelief, for better or for worse.

"Aw, Mom, you figured out my plan!"

"I KNEW IT!!" your mom shouts, dancing with glee. "Alright, I'll be waiting for that moment you'll show us your test!"

From then on, your mom nags you daily about your test, and you're stuck in a loop responding that it is still not the right moment...yet.

"You know, you can actually see the test if you imagine it in your head."

Your mom attempts to do as you say, but unfortunately, it doesn't work.

"I can't see the test in my head," she says. "Can I ACTUALLY see the test?"

"You can't 'cuz I failed it and it's all ripped up!"

GRRRR goes your mom.

HRRPH goes your dad.

UH OH goes yourself.

BYE BYE goes your allowance.

"You're not trying hard enough. Try again!"

"Then how about you try?" your mom articulates, "By your logic, you can actually see what's on your computer screen if you imagine it in your head!"

For the next two weeks, you're only allowed to use your computer without turning on the monitor.